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| Learning And Experience |
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The third factor is the role of learning and experience. A child learns to interact from the people and the environment around him. The interaction between the main caregivers and the infant in the first few months of life often determines how he would react and interact with others around him in the following years.
For example, if nagging, crying or screaming will likely result in a sweet, chances are that his inappropriate behaviour will persist, evolving into different forms as the child grows.
When children misbehave, it is likely that there is an agenda for their inappropriate behaviour. There are four main objectives in misbehaviour.
They are: |
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Attention seeking - sometimes children misbehave in order to attract attention |
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Revenge - children may seek revenge by being spiteful or doing harmful things |
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Power seeking - children will often challenge their parents to satisfy their desire for power and control |
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Helplessness - children who think of themselves as incompetent or unable to perform tasks often react with inappropriate behaviour. When children are overprotected, they easily become discouraged and helpless. | |
| Learning to recognise the purpose of the inappropriate behaviour will help you know why children misbehave and hence manage them accordingly. Your feelings, reaction and the consequences of the behaviour are some of the ways you can recognise the nature of the misbehaviour. |
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1. Recognise the misbehaviour by how you feel about it
| Attention seeking |
makes you feel |
annoyed |
| Power seeking |
makes you feel |
angry |
| Revenge |
makes you feel |
hurt |
| Helplessness |
makes you feel |
despondent | |
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2. Observe how you react to the misbehaviour
| Attention seeking |
makes you |
remind, coax, nag and explain |
| Power seeking |
makes you |
fight or give in |
| Revenge |
makes you |
retaliate to get even |
| Helplessness |
makes you |
solve the problem yourself | |
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3. Observe the consequences for the child who displays the misbehaviour
| Attention seeking |
causes people to |
look at and speak to the child |
| Power seeking |
causes people to |
stand over and supervise the child |
| Revenge |
causes people to |
punish the child |
| Helplessness |
causes people to |
look after and protect the child | |
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In the following scenarios, ask yourself how you feel as the parent, how you feel about the parent's reaction and what the purpose of the child's inappropriate behaviour was. |
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Dialogue 1
| Mother : |
Wasn't that a lovely bath, Paul? Now you are clean and dry. There you are, Mummy will put you on your bed for a while.
(Toddler John comes along and punches Paul.) |
| Mother : |
No, John! You mustn't hit your baby brother like that.
You're a naughty boy. |
| Father : |
Don't do that again, John, or you will be punished! |
| Mother to Father : |
I do wish he wouldn't do that. The baby has done nothing to him. |
This scenario illustrates revenge. |
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Dialogue 2
| Jason : |
Mummy, I can't find my power ranger. |
| Mother : |
It is in your toy box where you always keep it. |
| Jason : |
I've looked in there. It wasn't there. |
| Mother : |
Go and look again. It was there this morning. |
| Jason : |
(Walking from the toy box) I still can't find it, Mummy. |
| Mother |
For goodness sake (goes to the box). Here it is, just where I've said it'll be. Why is it that no one can find anything around here except me? You're absolutely hopeless. |
This scenario illustrates helplessness. |
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Dialogue 3
| Mother : |
Come on, John. It's time to put away your toys now. (Pause), John, put your toys away please. (Pause).
John, Mummy will smack you if you don't put away your toys. Come on, I'll help. There, I've put the truck in the box. In it goes ……. |
This scenario illustrates power seeking. |
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Dialogue 4
| Mother : |
I'll just ring Aunt Mary and arrange to go shopping with her (dials the phone). Hello? Oh Mary, its Jane here, How about going for a shopping trip this week? (Son starts to cry and bang his toys.) Hold on a minute, Mary (puts aside the phone). Stop it, Sam! That's being naughty. Mummy's on the phone (puts down the phone). Here's your power ranger. (Returns to phone). I'm sorry, Mary. Sam always does that when I'm on the phone. (Noise starts again). Oh dear, he broke his toy. Mary, can I ring you back when he's asleep? Bye. |
This scenario illustrates attention seeking. |
| It is important to note that behaviour which we find troublesome may not always be a misbehaviour on the child's part. Young children are less likely to be on their best behaviour when they are hungry, frightened, tired, sick or have other unmet physical needs. Most young children are by nature curious, egocentric, with short attention span and seek immediate gratification.
It is always important, when considering misbehaviour, to understand the factors involved that resulted in the misbehaviour.
Knowing why your child exhibits inappropriate behaviour and what his objectives are will help you make better decisions about what to do when you encounter these behaviours. |
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References:
Birch, K (1991). Positive Parenting. From Toddlers to Teenagers. A resource book for New Zealand families. Octopus Publishing Group (NZ) Ltd.
Seymour, F (1992). Good behaviour: A guide for parents of young children. GP Publications LTd. NZ.
Sander, M.R. (1992). Every Parent. A positive approach to children's behaviour. Addision-Wesley Publishing Company, Sydney. | |
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