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Every parent wants to raise a confident child. One who is independent, who approaches new challenges with enthusiasm and who is proud of his accomplishments. A confident child is a child with high self-esteem, an individual who values and likes himself.
The key to raising a confident child is to ensure that your child is strong in self belief. Your child's self-esteem drives his behaviour. If a child has high self-esteem, he will behave in ways which make him value and like himself even more. Children who have low self-esteem tend to act in ways which confirm that they are no good and it will take much effort to convince them that they can do better!
Generally, you can help to enhance your child's self-esteem by helping your child attain feelings of self-satisfaction. This can be done through fulfilling the four conditions of connectiveness, uniqueness, power, and role modelling.
A sense of connectivenes refers to a child's feeling that he is connected to something or someone. Your child needs to know that something or someone important belongs to him, for example, mummy and daddy. He also needs to know that the people and things that he is connected to are regarded highly by others. Helping your child feel connected to his own body and teaching him to trust his body to work for him is also important when you are trying to establish your child's self-esteem.
What You Can Do :
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Show affection through physical contact and positive facial expressions |
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Tell your child in words that you feel good about him |
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Praise specifically, for example, "Daddy likes it when you talk softly to your brother." |
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Help your child understand the consequences of his behaviour, especially when you see his positive behaviour having a good effect on others around him |
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Share your feelings, your interests, hobbies, activities and family experiences with your child |
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Listen to your child without judging him all the time |
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Do something for your child that acknowledges his special needs or interests, for instance, letting him attend art classes when he expresses interest |
Having plenty of opportunities to be creative allows your child to learn to enjoy being different, enhances his sense of uniqueness and self-respect. A sense of uniqueness means that a child needs to feel special and know that others think that he is special too.
What You Can Do :
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Encourage your child to express ideas that may be different from your own |
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Point out to your child how special he is |
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Allow your child to do things in his own way as much as possible and increase opportunities for your child to express himself creatively |
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Avoid ridiculing or shaming your child |
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Help your child find acceptable ways to express himself. For instance, let him know drawing on the wall is not acceptable but he may draw on the white board |
Help your child feel he has an influence on what happens in his life. To ensure that your child would feel comfortable when fulfilling his responsibilities, it would help if he knows how to make decisions, solve problems and knows how to deal with pressure and stress so as not to lose self-control. If your child believes that he can usually do what he sets out to do and is in charge of important things in his own life, he will achieve a good sense of power.
What You Can Do :
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Educate your child on issues of personal responsibility. For instance, when your child is angry, let him know that he is personally responsible for how he is feeling and his behaviour when he is angry. |
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When planning activities for your child, provide plenty of choices |
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Help your child be aware of how he makes decisions |
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Teach your child better ways to solve problems |
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Plan activities so that your child has plenty of opportunities to experience success. In particular, when he shows that he can do something well, allow him to do it |
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Help your child set limits for himself and others |
When your child associates with a role model, he is more confident of his ability to differentiate right from wrong, and good from bad. He will be able to make sense of what is going on in his life and will know the standards by which his performances, in the areas of school and home, are evaluated. As a result, he will become conscious of what goals are and work towards them, building up his confidence as his experience broadens. New experiences will no longer be intimidating.
What You Can Do :
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Help your child understand the values he believes in and share your values with your child |
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Help your child set reasonable and achievable goals for himself |
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Let your child know your expectations, and make performance standards clear |
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Be a good role model for your child |
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Help your child broaden his range of experience |
Confident children usually grow up among people who are themselves confident. Love your child and don't live your life through him. Give him the confidence that he needs to explore the world around him and to develop into a unique individual. |
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