Breaking news of the pregnancy loss

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Breaking the news to colleagues, friends and relatives

• Keep it simple. You can give brief information of your loss without going into the details.
• Enlist your partner, relative or friend to break the news. You may feel too vulnerable to deal with others’ reactions or may choose not to talk about it. It is okay to get others to break the news instead.
• Let others know what you need. Very often, your friends and relatives want to help but do not know how. Do not be afraid to tell them specifically how they can help to support you.

Some possible challenges as you move on

• Many people are not able to understand how great the pain of a pregnancy loss is and may say unhelpful or hurtful remarks. For example, some remarks may include, “The pregnancy was only 10 weeks old, must you be so upset"? Keep in mind that these remarks are often a result of ignorance.
• Big group gatherings can sometimes be very difficult as you may have to repeat the circumstances of your loss and update on your current status. Attend such gatherings briefly or decline them if you do not feel up to it.
• Often women who have had a pregnancy loss find it difficult or almost impossible to be around friends who are pregnant or have small babies, as this can evoke feelings of pain, envy or jealousy. Allow yourself the permission not to visit if it is too painful.
• Often the expected due date and the date of the pregnancy loss can be particularly painful with you feeling sadder than usual. You may want to take a day off or mark it in a special manner.
• If your pregnancy loss had occurred beyond 14 weeks of gestational age, you may experience some breast tenderness and even encounter some breast milk production after the loss. Consult your doctor for advice. He or she may have prescribed some medication that you can take to relieve some of these symptoms.